Why you must avoid comparison!
AVOID COMPARISON
I am writing this as most of us do not have a healthy self image, it being the product of so many dressing downs inflicted on us at an age where we were too innocent to know any better. “I am happy as I am and I am ok “you argue. The point is that a weak self image dilutes your results in life and prevents you from enjoying a lot of pleasure. Now are you ok with this too?
Here we would delve not only into the reasons why we get into this comparison mode but also into how we can do away with it to enjoy an immensely freer life. The reasons are necessary because without them we cannot insulate ourselves further from the comparison syndrome.
With these days of explosive advertising and actors showing off their bodies, it is so easy to fall in the comparison rut. Many of us think that we are not good enough coz we fail to measure up to the seemingly impossible standards set before us in every sphere of our life. Anything we are good at someone is even better and our parents, friends and teachers make no bones pointing out what flaws we do have.
From a very young age most of us have faced negative programming in many forms (appearance, marks at school, behavior). It is perhaps a curse that the good points are just glossed over or at best just get a fleeting mention!
Just last week, I was speaking to a cousin of mine who is very close to me. I could not believe the barrage of beliefs he had within him. Things like “ I do not look good, I do not have the self confidence to go for what I want ” to mention a few. With such huge blocks, how can one forge ahead and develop courage?
When I was in school, I was not a very bright child. (In terms of getting good marks). Now being aware of such a thing as negative programming, I remember how the teachers left no stone unturned in putting me down or insulting me before the class. This happened to others too who were not considered bright. To top it all off, my parents too were not encouraging seeing the results at school and the opinions about me. No wonder that from a tender age, I (and so many others) were victims of a very low self esteem. Now that I am aware, I can recall such incidents and remove those blocks from my system (more on this in later articles)
Here are some techniques to a happier you :-
a) Tell yourself at every available opportunity that you do not HAVE to measure up to anyone else all the time. If you genuinely have a desire to perform something well, by all means have a role model. But this is different from comparing yourself with them and feeling inferior. Gently change your mindset from the inferiority complex to a role model one and you would feel a great burden lifted from your head. This is because the former makes you feel unworthy and incomplete whereas the latter spurs you on to be the best you can and even eclipse your role model
b) Tell yourself many times that no one in the wide world can be YOU. The supreme never created 2 identically similar people. So when no one can be you in your entirety, doesn’t the question of comparison end there?
c) Remind yourself that it is just not the people who look the best, or dance the best, or talk the best who succeed. There are successes and failures everywhere. You cannot believe how much subjectivity can actually prevail. An example. There is an actor in bollywood here whom I consider really very very handsome. I once got a friend along with me and asked her how he looked. She told me that he looked ugly and repulsive. I couldn’t believe my ears. I know her too well and she wouldn’t lie to me. Many such incidents like these have occurred. Then something struck me. When looks can be this subjective, why are we so focused on something which is not even concrete? In the same vein, there are people whom I find much below par on the looks, Dance, Dialogue delivery and so many other fronts but yet are doing very well as HEROES in movies. Can you believe it? The secret is not the outward personality and looks that we all see. It is the strong inner self image that drives them to get beyond worldly and logical limitations. You can do the same.
When you finally get past all this baggage and focus solely on how beautiful you are, the world responds in kind. You will attract only those people who strengthen your self image and in whose company you are happy. For some strange reason, supercilious and superfluous people would start showing up less and less.
As within, so without they say. Why not try out the same?
