Dont be so systematic that it hurts you
DONT BE SO SYSTEMATIC THAT IT HURTS YOU
Thinking about this made me so ruminative that I felt I must write something about the same and humbly throw some clarity on this entire issue. A relative of mine is extraordinarily methodical. Knows where every item of his is kept, is scrupulously clean always, cannot even stand a small speck of dust on his table or fridge, to name a few. The fact is that he prides himself on being like that and expects everyone to live up to his rigorous standards.
My friends mother sings the same tune. Not to mention I have deep respect and admiration for such people. Especially when I see people all around me being do non meticulous and shabby and haphazard in the way they do things. Always misplacing things, always searching, always not being able to find important stuff. I know it only too well because i have been there too. It is indeed very depressing and it is only too natural to admire people who are very systematic and are fanatic about the way they are in being orderly. But… Its a big but….. There are two major drawbacks I see to this approach.
A) They are seldom happy. Am I being too far reaching in telling this? I dont think so. Why? These people are obsessed about cleanliness. Examples: Remote should be kept only on the TV, they cannot be kept sideways, and their position should be facing towards the wall only. Enjoying a lovely TV program? Man! See that newspaper there? Its not folded properly with the ends correctly touching each other. Get up and set that straight. Do you see it? They become almost professional fault finders. Their attention in a major way is diverted in setting things as THEY WISH THEM TO BE. Since most people would not conform to such behavior they almost always are grumbling about how un-orderly things. As everyone who is familiar with basics of mind power knows, what you focus on grows. They focus on how wrong things are. Hence thats all they get to see most of the times. Which is of course a recipe for dissatisfaction and unhappiness
B) They are not very popular with people. People tend to think of them as dictators. Hence others go a very long way to avoid them. The reason is other people CANNOT BE THEMSELVES when such people are around. They cannot eat the way they want talk, what they want even for that limited period when they are catching up with each other, There is an air of tension and unease that hangs in the air. People are wont to think Man! I better be careful when that guy is around. Since nobody likes such an atmosphere, you seldom find such people having many friends. Many such people are loners as most people prefer having only a superficial relationship with such people. Its like they know that they are obsessed but they cannot do not do anything about it. Or cant they?
I have thought of something and have had good results with the same. Its very simple. The solution comprises of two steps :-
a) Learn to see and respect others as they are and do it honestly. If everybody thought and acted they way you do the world would be a very boring place indeed. Just imagine if someone expected you to do something you hate doing and that too constantly would he not get on your nerves? If someone is extremely shabby and you just cannot take it but he is a very nice person indeed there is absolutely no reason to cut him off from your life. You could meet at a place where such things dont matter like going to the cinema or things like that.
b) If you cannot take them out from your life ( if she is your daughter for example) strike a middle balance between what they do and what you do. Insist on keeping things back but try to refrain from getting into tiring nitty gritties as to how certain things should be. Instead of finding fault constantly demonstrate as to how being orderly has helped you and is helping you. If despite doing all these things they do not learn refrain from helping them when the need arises. Only when they bear the full fruit of their negligence will they see the truth dawn upon them. This is where I see many parents falling short. They complain but go and support their kids at every possible opportunity. If this is what they do how will they ever learn? Its a lose – lose situation for both of them. The parents always take the shock of the fall and the child continues in his own merry way.
Taking myself as an example I feel I have made huge strides in keeping things in their proper places and also not being too critical of others. Yes, I have a long way to go before I reach my moms level of preciseness in doing things ( as I explained in AVOIDING THE GRIEF OF LOSING THINGS =>
http://www.singerjai.com/blog/?p=15
but am well on track.)
This approach I feel tackles both ends. Its also an eye opener on how you can take a hard look at yourself and how being fanatical about things is costing you AND about how you can mould others the way you want TO THEIR BENEFIT with as little ill will as possible.
Wishing my readers all happiness,
