Is this relationship the right one for you?
IS THIS RELATIONSHIP THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU?
So many books exist on relationships and the dynamics of making them work. Many are based on extensive research - my heartfelt appreciation to those who have endeavoured to spread happiness by focussing on this very important aspect of humanity. This article however does not focus on complicated aspects of relationships. It is my (and many others whom I know) experience that there are certain key aspects that you can take into account which would help you decide for yourself whether your relationship is worth it.
Sometimes taking a simple approach can give a lot of clarity. I feel quite sure that after reading this you would be in a much better position to see where your relationship is taking you. At the very least you will know where you are heading even if you are not able to stop it 
INTELLECTUAL COMPATIBILITY:
Do not get me otherwise. I do not mean to say that if you know Belgian politics your mate must know its intricacies to correct you. By intellectual compatibility the main thing I mean is the potential your mate has to understand the point you are trying to get across (not just intellectually) and vice versa. This sentence is much deeper than it seems. I had a relationship which was fun but somehow I felt that though my partner was hearing what I was saying, the point was somehow not being conveyed. This is something that is not very tangible but it CAN be felt. She was listening to it but in fact was just going through the motions. In the same vein I had another friend with whom I could just about discuss anything. It was such an uplifting feeling talking to him. We used to go to the terrace everyday and talk for hours and yet look forward to the next day wherein we would spend time with each other. There was humour, there was serious talk and yes there were differences of opinion too. But at the end of it all, it felt so lovely and light after a session with him. This is very important because I have had feelings like this with more than one person (Do not mean to say that they are potential partners, just roped them in to get across a point). In the same vein there have been people with whom I have felt bored with despite their great looks. Not casting aspersions on them that they were boring. It is just that I did not really look forward to their company. Cant think of a better way to put it.
When I was in my teens I was not able to get it but now I realise that that as years go by one needs a person with whom one can talk and share many things with. After the initial flush of love and beauty wears off, It is emotional attachment that keeps a couple together. And intellectual compatibility (IC) goes a long way in strengthening emotional attachment. Why? Because when IC is not present the number of things you can share with your partner is limited. There is a stifling feeling that grips you time and again. Over time boredom sets in and boredom can very quickly eat into the woodwork of intimacy. In my opinion though other aspects like fidelity, sexual compatibility are critical, IC must be present for a flourishing relationship.
GIVING BEAUTY MORE THAN ITS FAIR SHARE OF IMPORTANCE:
I would not want to go very deep into this point as it is quite obvious. There are so many who commit this mistake only to regret later. Beauty is definitely a plus point. It is important to know that it takes just a year or two for it to fade off (I mean for the other spouse). Another offshoot of this is possessiveness. There was this girl whom I know married a guy coz he looked good. She was first kinda apathetic to him but when she knew that other girls were vying for him; it became more a prestige symbol for her as it was SHE that the guy was interested in. Small stuff. Do not fall into this trap.
DOMINATING BEHAVIOUR:
Gone are the days when women would be in the kitchen, the men folk would come home and would be served dinner and mostly it would be the wife who would take care of the household and children. It is so appreciable that the fairer sex is now so independent and very rightly so. Personally I am not an advocate of any individual having talents within and suppressing them just for the sake of marriage or any other reason. I have seen soooooo many marriages wherein the husband starts dominating and forcing his wishes much to the disillusionment of his spouse. The point is are you ok with this? Is your spouse giving indications that pursuing what you love in life is not ok? Mere INDICATIONS tell enough. Rest assured it will amplify after marriage. Take time off to think, consult people and clarify things before tying the knot. DONT repent later.
This is not only for the women folk. I recently was in a relationship where the girl was extremely dominating and was not amenable to reason at all. She would close her ears when attempts at sorting out matters would be made. At first I dismissed it as childish behaviour (how childish I was ! Over time it gave me a feeling of suffocation. Immaterial of whether you are right or wrong what is the use if your partner cannot hear you out? Believe me this point is far more profound than it appears here. Needless to say we broke up. This is NOT an allegation against her or anything of that sort. Perhaps I did not come across as a guy to whom she could sort out things with. Whatever the case may be we were not meant to be together. So in a nutshell be very wary whenever you see dominating streaks in your potential spouse. They would invariably assume much bigger proportions after marriage.
LEVITY AND THE LIKE:
Who wants to be serious tell me? If anyone answers in the affirmative only two reasons are possible. One, he has got so used to being in this state that any other state seems to be alien and uneasy to him or two, he is a masochist in a mild form. It is very very very (need I add another very?) important to share your life with someone who sees the lighter side of life, takes things sportively and makes you laugh. After marriage there are enough challenges to deal with. The last thing you want is to get into a situation where your spouse constantly is in a sour mood. There is another aspect to this. There are some people who are very gay and happy with others but are not so at home. Be careful to look into these dual personality types too. This becomes all the more irritating because you see how good he/she is with outsiders whereas you put up with all the nonsense.
PHYSICAL ATTRACTION:
It is very necessary to have somebody to whom you feel physically attracted to. The physical aspect of marriage is important too.
DOUBLE STANDARDS:
There are people who expect you to behave in a certain way but they do not keep up to those standards. For e.g. they expect punctuality but many a time never keep up their time. When they become angry they take the liberty of shouting all sorts of things, but when you are incensed you are expected to exercise control. I think you get the point. Having seen behaviour like this from close quarters I can vouch for the fact that you WILL be miserable eventually in such a relationship. Keep away from such people like the plague.
FORGIVENESS:
If your partner is not able to let bygones be bygones and constantly brings up past issues, you need to take a closer look. Having viewed such incidents with family and friends, I can tell you with certainty that this is a recipe for a break up. Such people do not forgive easily and their behaviour is vexing. I am not getting emotional here but sorely want to convey to my readers that this attitude CANNOT be overlooked. You are much better off having this person as just a friend or even better, an acquaintance.
HEEDING SIGNALS:
The best is reserved for the last.. Even if one were to give you an exhaustive check list of things to look for, nothing beats this point! The reason because this assumes so much importance is due to the fact that it is wholly centred and focussed towards you and it goes beyond merely analytic left brain thinking. Almost in all the relationships I have seen and of course those that have happened to me too, I have found a startling revelation.
At some point in time, there is this inner voice in you that tells you he/she is not the one for you. It comes as a nudge, a feeling that cannot be told in words. Very often we override that, we give in to reasons like :
So what! Does not everybody have pluses and minuses?
The point here is not about pluses and minuses, the point here is whether that package is ok with you for a lifetime)
If I let go of her I may never be able to find another one to love
This logic again is based on ignorance. Once you learn about the law of attraction, you will come to know that you attract what you focus on in your life more particularly when you do it with detachment. Reading about this and becoming a student of this science has many a time saved me from falling into despondency and hopelessness. It will act like a sheet anchor for you too helping you let go of the unwanted and attracting the wanted. To start with you can go through those sites mentioned in the left hand side below the RECOMMENDED PRODUCTS tab. Another fabulous site is www.learnmindpower.com
Whatever be the logic you give yourself, the point I am making is this. To repeat, you DO get inner nudges, a realisation that can come that he is NOT the one for you (after certain incidents that have happened between both of you). When you sit down calmly and heed that voice, you will never go wrong. Another good thing is that you would get repeated nudges from within and it is seldom a one time event. It is only when we choose to avoid everything that we land ourselves in a mess. A friend of mine told me that all the justifications we give ourselves are voices of the brain trying to MAKE things work out somehow. This is not filmy talk but our heart when listened to with an attitude of respect and poise never lets us down. Has this been the scene in my relationships too you may wonder? Well, Absolutely!!!!! Always was!
